this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize