I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
