How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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