Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Randomize
