got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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