I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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