Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
