you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize