it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
