BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need to calm my uterus...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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