Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
