it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
