ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
