yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize