i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
