It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
