I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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