I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
