how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
