I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
