Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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