walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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