either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize