So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
