I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
