Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
