I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
