I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
