your thong is hanging out like whoa
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
