As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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