It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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