There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize