just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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