Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize