I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
