you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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