Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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