Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
