Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
