i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
