I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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