remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
