you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
