My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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