Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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