Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
