I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
