I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
