I can't watch pbs sober anymore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
