What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize