Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
