She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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