i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
