It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize