can we get nightvision for the apartment?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
