I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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