Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
apparently the secret to your success is patron
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
