All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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