Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize