Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
