if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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