Screwed.edu
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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