All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
