I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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