I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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