I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
