just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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