Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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