i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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