theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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