Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
