dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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